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Wednesday’s Word

October 22, 2008

The Word of the Day for October 22, 2008 is:

lacuna • \luh-KOO-nuh\  • noun

*1 : a blank space or a missing part : gap
2 : a small cavity, pit, or discontinuity in an anatomical structure

As in: I have a lacuna in my memory of the day after Princess’ birth. I remember the birth.  I had to have an emergency c-section because I had severe pre-eclampsia.  It was over very quickly, but I remember every detail.  The funniest thing was when I asked the nurse what I was touching and she told me it was my leg.  I couldn’t tell because everything was numb from my waist down.  That’s a very strange feeling, by the way.  After that, I was put on a Magnesium drip to help my body fight the effects of the pre-eclampsia (it had started effecting my liver, which was why they decided I had to do the c-section right away).  Magnesium makes you very drowsy.  I wasn’t allowed to be alone with Princess while I was on it.  I was on it for about a day and a half, I guess.  I don’t remember much of anything from that time. We have pictures.  I know someone came in to help me breastfeed for the first time and they kept coming in to take my blood pressure and check up on me, but I honestly don’t remember it.  It’s such a strange feeling to completely not remember being with your child for the first day of their life.   I was very angry with my body for a while after the birth.  i was expecting to do a natural childbirth, and, since I have a pretty high pain tolerance, I was going to try as long as possible without meds, but all that planning went down the tubes.   I resented the pain I felt at first (couldn’t even sneeze and cough – not fun after a c-section) and the oh-so-lovely scar across my belly, but I’ve started to accept what happened.  I still don’t see why someone would voluntarily have a c-section if they didn’t have to, though.  And I don’t even want to think about having another child at the moment, though, I suspect that will change when Princess gets a little older.  2 years seems to be the max for most people I know to go without wanting another child.  Apparently there’s something in our DNA that makes us forget the whole pregnancy, birth, and first few months so we want to do it again. lol.  I’m all for adopting.  🙂

Nowadays, I have many small lacunae in my memory.  I’ve never had the best memory, anyway (I loved my dorm room door in college because it was metal so i could put all kinds of notes up on it with magnets and remind myself of what I needed to do before I walked out the door). Now it’s even worse because of lack of sleep and frustration.  Can memory atrophy like muscles if you don’t use it?  Thank God I had a little book where I write Princess’ feeds down or I’d never remember when I fed her or on what side.  Princess gets lots of gifts from family and I can’t remember who got her what and if I sent a card tot hem or anything.

Anyway, I should probably stop writing before I forget to take a shower while I have a chance (It’s so nice having my mom here).  So, later!  Let me know about major lacunae in your memory.

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